Posted by Alicia Leeds on Thu, Aug 26, 2010 @ 03:17 PM
"Can I have that?" is a question I often hear as a weight loss coach. And my answer is always the same.
You can have whatever you want to have, today, tomorrow, next week and next year... AND you will also have the consequences of those choices.
What most people really want to know is can they eat _______ and lose weight... and the answer to that question is usually... uhm, no.
When we want the consequences of our choices to change - we want to weigh less, we want to be healthier, we want to feel better, we have to back up and change our choices.
(Here is the HMR Calorie Chart that explains very simply how making different choices will help you manage your weight and health more effectively.)
Think of your food choices like your finances. The wine is like a trip to France and the chocolate cake is like a diamond bracelet. Of course you want them both! It's your birthday!
But you still have to pay the rent.
Living beyond your calorie budget is like putting all the extras on your AMEX, and the interest... compound, annually... on your waistline.
Having a health educator, personal trainer or Personal Coach can help you make better choices more consistently until those choices become habits and you build a healthier lifestyle. But no one can do it for you - and that's actually the good news. You have the power to change in any moment.
Say this, "I can have whatever I want to eat at any time, and I am making the choice to have ________ right now because the consequence I want is ______________".
So while we know that chocolate cake and weight loss don't go together in this statement, we can reaffirm our power to make the chocolate cake choice as long as we change the consequence. Say this a few times and it starts to get easier.
This statement EMPOWERS. Instead of saying I am eating this right now because I am tired, angry, celebrating, joyful, in the car, on a plane or at the movies, as though our choices happen to us, we can instead affirm our ACTIVE ROLE in choosing and thus take responsibility for the consequences.
Weight gain is not a result of having a birthday. But people say this to me, "I gained weight because it was my birthday."
I usually pause, uh huh... uhm, no. Not buying. Because... I do not believe that some demonic Betty Crocker forced chocolate upon you before allowing you another year of human life.
"I gained weight because it was my birthday" is like telling me birthday cake is inevitable and it just happened to you.
Try telling Bank of America you can't pay the rent because it's your birthday. You were in Tiffany's... "and the diamond bracelet looked so good and everyone else was wearing one... did I mention it was my birthday?" (it probably won't work on your spouse either)
Now say this; "I can have whatever I want to eat at any time and I am making the choice to have an Edible Arrangement because the consequence I want is to lose weight on my 50th Birthday"
Instead of focusing on the whys of your choices (emotion, location, expectation) confront the whats, the consequences of making the choices instead. It will be easier to change!
Yes, you can have it. And in America you can have it any time, any place, in any quantity, at any price AND for any reason! Have it your way! But Your choices = Your consequences. So You Decide.
Posted by Alicia Leeds on Wed, Aug 11, 2010 @ 02:32 PM
I have a bad shoulder lately. Not sure what I did, but as some of you know - what happens after 40 happens harder and longer.
I am frustrated by this because my yoga practice is a big part of my weekly Physical Activity and I now have to rest the shoulder during practice, do fewer down dogs and more child poses, and take days off in between classes to rest. In addition to that, I have to change the way I do things, change the way I position my hands on the floor, change the way I move from pose to pose. I have to unlearn my routines and make space for new ones.
And, I have to find some other type of PA to do on the off days. I don't want to.
But what I need to do to maintain my health doesn't change just because my shoulder is bumming me out right now.
As a weight loss coach I pull no punches when it comes to knowing what it takes to change, to lose weight and keep it off. It isn't easy and sometimes you just don't want to. That's OK.
But what you need to do to maintain your health doesn't change just because _____________
- your shoulder hurts
- it's raining outside
- your mother-in-law is here for a visit
- it's windy outside
- your boss brought in donuts
- I'm tired today (you're tired today)
- it's hot, sunny, humid, snowing, blustery, or partly cloudy with a chance of thunderstorms...
What you need to do to lose weight doesn't change. What you need to do to maintain your health doesn't change.
The way you problem solve life's challenges does.
I have taken up swimming. It's inconvenient. I have to be semi naked in front of other people (ugh!). Worst of all I have to get wet which ruins my hairdo and my mascara.
But I LOVE it! Really! I love the quiet, the rhythm of my breath, the way I feel energized, clean, cool and refreshed. I get my heart rate up without pounding the pavement, dodging oncoming traffic or sweating it out amidst the whir of machines and TVs and music blasting on the gym floor. No shouting, pumping grunting or jumping. I swim!
My injury turned into an opportunity because I had to find a new solution.
In order to make long term lifestyle change give yourself some rules to follow. Rules like doing some type of PA every day. And eating 5 servings of fruits and veggies.
Then find the opportunity within every obstacle, recommit to your health with each challenge. And have some fun! Be the change you want to see in your own life and the world!
Posted by Alicia Leeds on Tue, Aug 03, 2010 @ 06:10 PM
Last week I did a little research on Junk Drawers. I have one where all the little things I don't have a place for but I don't want to throw away right now end up. Every once in a while the drawer gets full and I need to take the time to clean it out.
Many of the people I queried have a Junk Drawer, too. What's in there? Broken toys, safety pins, the owners manual for the blender, a Bed Bath and Beyond Coupon, gum, staples, bandaids and a tiny snack pack of cashews from Jet Blue. (Your old HMR record book? that's there, too!)
The Junk Drawers are full of stuff (useful or not) that people have decided to deal with later and it occurred to me recently that "Having to Lose Weight" is like an emotional Junk Drawer for those of us who struggle with food and weight.
Think about it. You go to your mother's house and she says something and pretty soon you find your hand in the cookie jar. Or your coworker takes the credit for the multimedia project you worked hard on last month and suddenly you find yourself eating the stale donuts in the break room. Or Verizon is threatening to shut off your daughter's cell because she owes $600, and you find yourself polishing off the Cheezits as you write out a check.
Whatever you might be feeling about your parent, coworker, offspring (or maybe just the driver of the Hummer in front of you) goes into the emotional Junk Drawer and you find yourself snacking. Then as soon as you have finished off the pint of Ben and Jerry's, you hear the familiar voice say " why did I eat that?". And now what are you thinking about? "Having to Lose Weight".
So instead of dealing with being mad, frustrated, disappointed or upset with whatever situation is at hand, you're mad, frustrated, disappointed, and upset with yourself for doing what you always do which is eating your way out of the Junk Drawer. And you'll do it again until the Junk Drawer gets too full and you decide to clean it out. Yes, You are going on a diet.
So the next time Aunt Bessie comes over and she tells you what a delightful meal your sister prepared last week, but how she really does appreciate that your mother never taught you to cook and what could you do in this tiny kitchen you have anyway? And now you don't have any Cracker Jacks to fall back on... all of a sudden you have no Junk Drawer to put Aunt Bessie in. You are already dealing with "Having to Lose Weight", and so now you have to deal with Aunt Bessie, too.
Taking care of "Having to Lose Weight" is like gluing the Junk Drawer shut. Of course you could open other drawers like "Getting out of Debt" but that's Suze Orman's specialty.
I am not saying that the challenges we face in life are trivial like the items we throw in the Junk Drawer - I am saying that when we finally decide that "Having to Lose Weight" cannot be the Junk Drawer of our complicated lives - we get to face those challenges head on, right now. Do not pass Mickey D's do not collect a quarter pounder with a side of fries.
Posted by Alicia Leeds on Tue, Jul 20, 2010 @ 04:58 PM
In our quest to have better health, to lose weight or to improve our physical bodies... remember that giving thanks for the choices we are able to make in this moment can light our path to change.
When we pause with gratitude before downing a perfectly ripe apple we can become more aware of the process of nourishing ourselves. We can notice how eating is regenerating life's energies, and we can become more fully renewed.
Next time you grab an apple, think about what needed to happen for this moment to occur. Someone planted a tree which was fed by the earth and the sun and the rain in all the right proportions. Someone climbed a ladder and picked the fruit and put it in a bucket and someone else carried it to a truck which drove it to the store where someone else place it carefully on the shelves for you to purchase. All those people have families and hopes and dreams that they hold while bringing you the apple. And the apple itself holds the promise of all the elements of earth, air and rain - and will deliver them to you.
Then there's your perfect body - and no matter what you weigh or look like, believe in its perfection just for the moment - because your body knows what to do with the apple when you bite into it. All your cells come together to transfer the energies of the earth and the sun and the rain and all the other people who brought you the apple and turn all this into energy for you to use to live and love and fufill your dreams and realize your hopes - or just do the laundry - it doesn't matter.
The point is, when you take a bite you are connected, and for this, be grateful. Take a minute to say thanks for being able to make this choice for the sake of the your health, and appreciate the perfection in this moment. Know that each moment you are perfect, just as you are right now. Cultivating gratitude will light your way, allowing you to gently move forward on your path to change, with compassion, with love, and with forgiveness.
Posted by Alicia Leeds on Thu, Jul 30, 2009 @ 01:21 PM
Bradley is the substitute yoga teacher this morning. He is incredibly energetic. Bradley is excited by the practice of yoga, bringing together the body and spirit, and the "rad" concept that each of us, being entirely unique, is perfectly beautiful in our very own way. Yoga, he says, is a way to get inside yourself, to be in the moment, and appreciate your body for what it is right now.
"It's amazing, isn't it, I mean, so rad, to realize that you can only leave one set of footprints that are uniquely yours in this lifetime. You are perfect just as you are in this moment! Like think about the people in your life who find you beautiful, your partners who have loved your body just as it is and your friends who love you because they see the unique beauty you have. I mean, it's rad, you are this being inside this body, just sparks and energy behind those eyes, you have this body, this perfect body to be in and play with so play! No one has hands like yours - that's so beautiful, and this practice of yoga can teach us to be fully in appreciation of where we are in this moment. You look at the magazine covers - who says that her combination of cells defines what beauty is - you are all perfect! Alicia, just be the most Alicia that you can be - why would you want to look like or be like anyone else when you can be truly unique and yourself!"
I am paraphrasing - but you get the idea.
So I started to think about all the things we wait to do until we reach the "perfect weight". All the "if onlys" and "when I ams". What are the hopes and dreams we put on hold until we see the magical on the number on the scale - when our bodies, finally, will be perfect enough to...what? ... go swimming in the ocean with your granddaughter? Ask that woman out to dinner? Join the dance class? ... Like who we are or the way we look?
Why can't we start doing those things right now?
Weight loss can create new opportunitues to live more fully. Weight loss gives some people more energy, more self confidence, and a better sense of control over their lives. But what I am suggesting is that if we can take Bradley's rad perspective and practice believing we are perfect right now - it might make the task of taking better care of ourselves easier. After all, when you love and appreciate someone - you do right by them.
Too often we punish ourselves for the way we are right now. And then feel we have to deprive ourselves to be better. It's a cycle of negativity that's counterproductive.
So the next time we feel discouraged about our weight we could practice identifying something about ourselves that is unique and beautiful. We could practice telling ourselves that we are perfect just as we are - and it might be easier to make healthy choices. Instead of saying "I can't have this (pizza) because I have been bad and I am awful" let's try "I will choose this (delightful salad) because I am beautiful and my body deserves nutritious food.
Our lifelong well being depends on being good (kind, gentle, appreciative, grateful, nurturing) to ourselves in this moment - no matter what the scale says or what we look like. Hmmm, we are perfect exactly the way we are. Rad.
Posted by Alicia Leeds on Mon, Apr 13, 2009 @ 09:52 PM
In the past week I have heard a 200 pound woman tell me she never "Feels Fat" any more, and a 125 pound woman tell me she "Feels Fat" today.
Is fat subjective? How does "Feeling Fat" relate to actually being fat? If you ever "Feel Fat" does that change the way you interact with the world around you?
Last week, my vet told me that my dog, Monroe, was overweight. We changed her lifestyle this week to include more Physical Acitivty and we replaced a portion of her kibbles with broccoli. In fact, every time she scratched at the floor, her way of letting me know she's hungry, she got a nice bowl of leftover steamed broccoli. She seemed to like it just fine.
Monroe lost a pound this week. (About which I was pleased, and yes, some was fat, and some was water weight.) But the vet was pleased, too.
Monroe, of course, couldn't care less. She's never "Felt Fat" in her life - even though she was... (is) aaaa... little fat.
So it all got me to thinking about what we really mean when we say we "Feel Fat". Is "Feeling Fat" the catch all for the negative feelings we have about ourselves - feelings confirmed or negated by that All Powerful Scale handing down our daily verdict?
Cue Wizard of OZ voice, "You...are...GOOD" or "You...are...BAD" (You know you've heard it.)
What's interesting to me is that, on the way down - 160 is GOOD we don't "Feel Fat" but on the way up - 160 is BAD and we "Feel Fat" ... Hey, 160 is 160.
When we "Feel Fat" What does that mean? We are bad, out of control, guilty, lazy, a failure, angry, disappointed, weak hopeless...
And, what, then, does it say about us when we "Feel Thin?" Ahhh Thinness, the Ultimate dangling carrot - ever elusive - (we're never quite thin enough...) because if we were - we would be...Eternally Joyful, Happy, Sexy, Beautiful, Valuable, Deserving, Attractive, Strong... Worthy?
Next time you "Feel Fat" do a little more investigation into that. You might be fat. Or not. That's not the question that matters.
Ask yourself instead...have I done the things I know I need to do to take good care of my health today? Have I had 5 servings of fruits and vegetables, gotten some exercise, eaten nutritious lean proteins and whole grains? Or have I done something else? And what can I do NOW to make sure that I figure out HOW to do WHAT I need TO DO to manage my weight and health.
I'll argue "Feeling Fat" means we just feel bad about our behavior - but "Feeling Fat" actually lets us off the hook, it's easy. I "Feel Fat". Period.
"I have not done my Physical Activity today" is a harder statement because it forces us to actually confront. ("What are you going to do about that?) And when we confront we face the challenge of changing. But therein lies the Power we all have to affect our weight, health and lives.
At last I realize, though we think Fat's a Feeling - it's certainly not an Emotion.
Posted by Alicia Leeds on Thu, Apr 09, 2009 @ 03:48 PM
I love shoes because no matter how much I weigh, or what time of the month it is, or what I ate last night, they fit. Over the years, the heels have gotten a little more modest and the toes a little rounder - but overall, shoes are a wardrobe feature a woman can count on.
This morning, a 60 something degree sunny morning, on my walk in the park, I did what I often do, started thinking about what I wanted to wear to work today. It's wonderful for me when the perfect outfit comes to mind in a minute cause it increases the chance that I will get to the office on time.
... my lovely long black cotton skirt with the hand appliqued daisies, tights, cause it's not that warm yet, a comfy black jersey top and my sunny side up eggs colored jacket. Perfect! Dressy without being partyish, with just a hint of optimism that the winter has finally ended in Boston.
Got the tights, socks, and bra on, then the make up - I'm right on time. Oh, I love this skirt - bought it in London at Camden market. There was no size tag, but the woman who made it said it was size ----.
Uh oh. Hmmm...well...the zipper must be a little sticky cause it's been on the hangar since last spring - I'll just pull... it... up a li..til.. more. No, can't talk now, holding breath, if I could just work the zip... up... exhale... deep breath in...once more...
or - I could just fold the waist band over, just the part that doesn't quite reach and I'll wear it with the blousy jersey that covers the top... but... try to zip... one... more... time
This is ridiculous. I can't breathe in this thing. The zipper is pinching my side not to mention the fact that its quite probable the threads will soon relinquish their hold on the zipper altogether...
Time to go on a diet. I will start right now. I wore this to Passover two years ago... and I was feeling pretty good about myself today... until...damn it. I'm gonna be late for work.
I change into my lovely green prada capris. Very Audrey Hepburn. Hey, if I lose weight these will be too big. They're not size --- but I like the way these fit. I look pretty good... or... I am too big. Have to lose 5 pounds. If I lose 5 maybe both the skirt and the pants will fit.
Or (see lightbulb overhead)... I could have the tailor fix the skirt. Maybe it's the skirt that's the wrong size and not me. Whatever size it is doesn't fit the size I am - and today it occurs to me that maybe it's time to let the clothes take the blame. Yeah - because you know what, I'm OK.
I'm healthy. I exercise most days, eat my veggies and fruits, drink my shakes and I put the Ben and Jerry's back on the grocery store shelf. (Yes, I am still happy about last week's triumph.) I am doing just fine right where I am.
I put the skirt back on the hangar, hmmm... I really do love that skirt. Then I slide on my sexy black croc sling backs which look sharp with the green capris, and put one foot in front of the other and I don't look back.